Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Do it Yourself – or – Crafts for the Less than Crafty Mom

Becoming a mom means entering an elite group of women who are more than mere mortals. Most women, certainly not all, gain a new sense of understanding, a new meaning to their lives. They acquire maturity, wisdom and a new beauty from having birthed another human soul. Many new mothers will look around at their peers and find that they don’t fit in with that group anymore. They don’t share the same interests or beliefs as their childless counterparts. Over the course of my 3 ½ years of mommyhood I have met some amazing mothers. Women who exude a maturity beyond their age, who are fierce warriors for their children’s health and safety and women who are like scientists, inventing, recycling and repurposing things to both benefit their families and to reduce their negative impact on the environment. Today I would like to talk about these women…

When I became pregnant with my second son I joined a “Due Date Club” on BabyZone where I met some of my best friends. It was a place where I could commiserate with women who were going through the same things I was experiencing at the exact same time. Some of them were first time mothers who I could share my knowledge and experience with, some of them were second timers like me and others still were decorated war vets who were on their third, fourth or more child. One thing that amazed me about some of these girls was their craftiness, their ability to take random everyday objects and create whole new “things” out of them. One girl washes out baby food jars and uses them to store homemade snacks to make them easier to travel with… genius! One of them used cardboard, fabric and ribbon to make a Ribbon Board to hang all the birth announcements and pictures from the rest of the group – Why didn’t I think of that? Oh I know why…. It’s because I lack the Arts and Crafts gene. Day after day I see these girls’ Facebook posts about hair clips they’ve made, baby food recipes they’ve created, things they’ve spun into being and I think, “That’s amazing! Why the hell can’t I do that??”

Well, you’re in for a treat folks. Today I will share with you my collection of homemade crafts/remedies/art and “what-have-you”!

New List – The Piper Treasury of Do-It-Yourself Crafts for Kids

1. Pill Bottle Rattle – how many times has this happened to you? You’re in the car, too far from home to turn back and Sniff, Sniff , Oh Man! The baby had a blow out. You pull into the nearest parking lot because this cannot wait or you risk passing out at the wheel. You lay baby across the seat, get the diaper half off and baby starts throwing a dead-weight, floppy full-body flail and you are holding onto the diaper for dear life, inches away from having a different colored interior. If only you had something to distract him! You open the diaper and OF COURSE! You forgot to pack toys of any kind. You reach into your purse…. AHA! Most moms have a mini bottle of Tylenol stashed in there – Voila! Instant rattle….. An acceptable answer would also have been – Key-ring Chew Toy….

2. Loogie Wipes – You’re out with a friend, let’s say at a park. You give your child some chocolate Teddy Grahams as a snack and he comes running back to you saturated in dirt and chocolate.  You reach into your diaper bag – no wipes… figures. Have no fear! This time-tested remedy will have your child sparkling clean in no time! Simply hock a loog into your hand and wipe your kids face. Repeat as necessary. Not only is this fast, easy and free but it’s also good for the environment….

3. Remote Control Babysitter – The phone rings and as usual, your child chooses that moment to start freaking out. Simply hand them the remote control to your TV, and insert into their mouth. This will keep them quiet for no less than 2 minutes while Brinks tries to sell you a home security system. What’s that? Installation is free if I sign up for monthly home monitoring at the low monthly cost of $139.00?? SOLD!

4. Magazine Arts and Crafts – You’re harvesting your crops on Farmville and the baby won’t stop crying because they’re hungry or something… I don’t know… Grab your old copy of Cosmo that you didn’t even read and throw it on the ground beside them. Baby will enjoy minutes of shredding that $6.00 paperweight while you tend to your virtual cows. Just remind them to chew the big pieces before swallowing….

5. Tampon Tower – You REALLY need to go to the bathroom and for some reason ALL of your children think that you enjoy having an audience while doing so. Do I have a fun idea for you! Simply open a box of tampons, sprinkle them on the ground and watch the fun ensue. “Mommy what are these?” “Tampons, play with them, they’re fun!” “Ummm….” “They’re like Lincoln Logs, seriously, build a tower with them or something…” “Ummmm…” “Really, I do it all the time…”

These five crafts ideas are free, simple and fun! Guaranteed to shut your kid up for a few seconds while you play on your iphone or Facebook with your friends. And don’t judge me, you know you’ve done worse! At this point I’m compelled to say that these ideas are said jokingly and I have not in fact consciously allowed my children to do any of these things…. except the Tampon thing, that totally happened.


  1. LOL....so I consider myself pretty crafty but have to admit I've done all of these! Sometimes it's the simple things in life that make a child happy!

  2. I'm not crafty either so I sympathize! And I've totally done most of these... the pill bottle, lol. Haha, love this post.

  3. Lmao! Just the image you painted of the "blow out" diaper, brought back some memories of when I was in that same situation! Oh what moms will do to entertain their child for a moment!! I have done a couple of these. I probably have some of my own that would be considered pretty "crafty".