Monday, October 24, 2011

Embarrassment –or- My Mother’s Curse

I wasn’t the best kid on the planet growing up, then again I wasn’t really the worst. My mom tells me stories all the time about the crazy things I used to do and say. Her favorite is when she dropped me off at the “daycare” in the gym where she worked out and when she came to pick me up, the babysitters said, “We don’t have a Nicole here….” In a full blown panic she looked around and spotted me. “She’s right there,” she said, pointing me out. “No…that’s Alice….” said the babysitter. When my mom asked me why I told them my name was Alice my reply was, “Ya know, like Alice in Wonderland?”…. Duh! Or the time I told my second grade teacher I was sad because my mom and dad had to give my baby brother up for adoption…. and the teacher called her to make sure she was alright….  Yep. I had a very active imagination. And my mom used to say ALL the time, “I can’t wait ‘til you have kids, I hope they’re JUST LIKE YOU!” And not because I was so sweet and awesome. Be careful what you wish for….

Fast forward, oh… to 2008 or so… July to be exact. I was sitting in a hospital room holding my first born, my beautiful son, love of my life, apple of my eye. At the time I had no way of knowing that my mother’s curse would come true and Shea would turn into the witty, sharp tongued, blunt little crazy person that he is and embarrass me ten times more than I ever embarrassed my own mother.

New List: Top 5 Most Embarrassing moments, courtesy of Shea

5. We took the kids to the Atlanta zoo when we first moved down here and Matt took Shea into the petting zoo area. Shea had so much fun feeding the goats and brushing them. It was pretty busy that day, there were a lot of kids and parents in the area and Shea looks out at me and yells, “Hey mom! Where’s the goat’s wiener??”

4. My parents were visiting from Michigan and they were so excited to see their grandbabies. They spent the whole week playing with them and watching cartoons – doing whatever Shea wanted to do. Grandpa turned on the TV to find a cartoon for Shea and Spongebob was on. “He doesn’t like Spongebob, dad,” I said. “You don’t like Spongebob? Why not buddy? Is it ‘cuz he’s a creeper?” my dad asked. “No, I don’t like him ‘cuz he takes my things and he’s a shit butt.” Welcome to our home, mom and dad!

3. Shea is enrolled at The Little Gym in a gymnastics class. One day the teacher carried him out, Shea’s face buried in her neck. “Oh did he get hurt?” I asked. “No,” the teacher said, “He says he’s afraid to go home with you because you said there are monsters at your house that will get him if he doesn’t go to sleep.”….yep. I said that.

2.  We were at the car dealership trading my Jeep Liberty for our new super awesome minivan and the manager in the sales department where we were signing the paperwork walked up and handed us the keys to our new mobile diaper bag. Shea pointed at him and said, “Hey! You’re black! Are you black?.... You’re black!” The room fell silent, everyone just stared, and my husband blurts out, “I’m sorry, we’re from Michigan…..”

And the all time most embarrassing moment is:

1. When my husband spent a couple days in the hospital for a heart condition, the doctors were taking so long to see him that the hospital social worker got involved. He came into the room to assure us that he was on the case and would be doing everything in his power to get a doctor into that room in the next couple of hours. Shea ran up to him and showed him an ouchie on his arm and the social worker asked, “Oh no! How’d you do that?” and Shea answered, “I was dicking around…..” I quickly spat out, “Dinking around. Ha ha ha, he said he was dinking around!”… He didn’t say dinking….

…and the kid is only three years old. I can’t wait to see what he has in store for me next! But Shea just wouldn’t be Shea if he didn’t do and say these things. The kid has so much charisma its exhausting! And one thing is for sure, he’ll keep embarrassing me and I’ll keep writing about it.