Interview with a Shea-Bug

So Shea, I hear you had a birthday last week? How old are you now?

14.

14?

Yes.

Are you sure you’re not three?

Oh yes, I’m 3! I’m 3.

Ok, that’s what I thought. Did you have a nice birthday?

Yyyyyyyes. Is it my birthday yet?

Your birthday was last week remember?

Where is it? Is it in the living room?

Your birthday is a day. It’s not a thing. What did you do on your birthday?

I played with my house and my mote-control racecar.

Cool, what else did you do?

Ummmm… played with my grandma and grandpa…. And all my aunts and uncles, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Do you like being 3?

Yes.

Why?

Because I love my toys and I love going out in the world and telling (unitelligable…….) and don’t bite your friends. Don’t bite your friends, got it!

Do you love your brother?

Yes, because I chased someone. I chased Osgood.

Huh???

I love Kellan because I love the world.

Ok. What’s your favorite game?

Rango.

Rangos a movie.

Oh, I love the running game and jumping game.

Ok. What’s your favorite food?

Ummm. Peas.

Peas??

Yes, that’s good.

What else do you like to eat?

Green beans and oranges.

At the same time?

Yeah.

What’s your favorite movie?

Rango.

Why do you like Rango?

Cuz he’s a lizard and snakes are snakes.

What’s your favorite color.

Ohhhhh, green. My favorite color is green.

Why do you like green?

Because it’s my favorite color, mom!

What do you like that is green?

A crayon.

So have you been a good boy lately?

No and Yes. I mean Yes.

What happens when you’re not a good boy?

I’m a bad boy.

When are you a bad boy?

Because I’ve been saying naughty words.

You say naughty words?

Yes. That’s what I said.

Why do you say naughty words.

Because I go to time out.

What’s your favorite naughty word?

Suck it up! That’s a bad word.

That’s not really a bad word – it’s just not nice for you to say that to mommy or daddy.

Oh, you say it to kids.

Some people say that. It just means “be a big boy.”

Why?

I don’t know….

If you don’t know (unintelligible)

What?

What?

Moving on…. What Tv shows do you like?

Ummm…Toy Story. But not with Zurg. He’s a bad guy.

Ok, What TV show don’t you like?

Bad guys. I don’t like them.

Fair enough.

Fair.

Did you go to gymnastics today?

For a little bit.

What did you do at gymnastics.

Played inside. And they we drive home with the burgers.

So you had a Happy Meal for lunch?

Yes.  It’s my favorite food.

What do you want to be for Halloween?

Ummmmm. A  turtle.

You were a turtle last year. Do you want to be something different.

I want to be another turtle.

Ok, I’m all about recycling costumes. What should Kellan be?

A turtle.

What can mommy be?

You can be a candle.

Sweet, what can daddy be?

Daddy can be a frog!

So two turtles, a frog and a candle?

Yeah! That’s what I want!

Why am I a candle?

Because it’s for Trick or Treat. You can be a scarecrow. I can be a scarecrow.  I’ll be a nice scarecrow! Can I be a nice scarecrow, mom?

Sure.

Oh goody goody!

Well it was nice talking to you Shea.

Yeah.

See ya.

Where are you going?

Nowhere I’m just ending the post.

Oh…why?

Because it’s over.

Uh…Can I watch TV?

Sure…..